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I had an out-of-state client who wanted to sell high-end antiques on eBay.  However, she wanted to remain anonymous. 

Client: Can you help me sell these items on eBay without customers knowing who I am?

Me: Absolutely. We don’t have to mention your name or the business name.

Client: Great. But I can’t ship the items.

Me: Ok, so maybe we can have customers do a local pickup from your warehouse?

Client: No, that won’t work. I don’t want customers to know my business sold them the items.

Me: Ok, so we can’t ship the items. And they can’t pickup from your store or warehouse.  What do you suggest?

Client: I don’t know. If we can’t send them and they can’t pick them up, what are our options?

Me: A middleman who swears a blood oath not to reveal your identity. 

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Fifty Shades of Domestic Abuse

50 Shades of Damaging Stereotypes 

Fifty Shades of Wanna Guess How Many People Will Be Hospitalized Due To Flesh Wounds From Improper Knots After The Movie?

50 Shades of Glorified Abuse

50 Shades of Kidney Damage from Incompetent Crop Use

Fifty Shades of Pathological Violence Due To Past Trauma Isn’t Kink

50 Shades of Violent and Manipulative Behaviour

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Client: I threw out that black pen, it was out of ink.

Me: What black pen?

Client: The one that was lying on your tablet.

Me: You threw out my $150 Wacom pen?

Client: I tried writing with it and it didn’t work. It must’ve been out of ink.

this almost made me cry

this is simultaenously the best and worst submission i’ve ever seen from Clients from Hell.

I feel ill

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do you ever just wonder if there’s someone who secretly thinks about you and wants to talk to you but doesn’t know how

+ 1269311

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utterly pointless